Bill Gates dies and goes to God. God says to him:
- Because you invented the screen saver I give you the possibility to go wherever you want. God shows Bill that in hell there are lots of naked chicks and beaches. So he chooses hell. After a while God returns and asks him if he like’s it there. Bill says:
- No! Where are all the chicks you just showed me?
- Oh that! That was just a screen saver.

A little child stays in front of a door and cries like a little baby: "What happened, little one?" A man that was passing by asks him.
"I can’t reach the bell."
"Oh! You cry only for that?" And the man helps the kid ring the bell.
"And now we run... "

Which were the mailman's last words?
"Aw what a cute dog!"

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it."
The blond replies "Shut up, you're next.

Barack Obama is our first black president, but more importantly, the end of white presidents forever...Because you know what they say......Once you go black..

1st joke
A guy suffering from a miserable cold and begs for his doctor for a relief. The doctor prescribe pills. After a few weeks, the guys is still sick. So the doctor gives him a shot,but that doesnt help his condition either.
"OK,this is what i want you to do" says the doc in the third visit "go hhome and and take a hot bath. Then throw open all the windows and stand in the draft"

" I'll get pneumonia!" protests the patient

Then calmly, the doctor replies.."I know, that i can cure

2nd joke
Pointing to a reconstructed skeleton of a Tyranosaurus rex, a museumgoer asks a security guard "How old are these bones?"

The guard replies : "sixty-five million, four years and six month old ,sir"

Museumgoer : "how to do know their age so precisely?"

the guard : "Wekk, those bones were 65 Million years when i started working here. and it was four and a half year ago"

3rd joke
A new bride wanted everything to be prefect during her wedding feast with her in laws. She called the roast hotline. here's the conversation:

the bride : " I bought 3 kilogram leg of lamb. How long does it need to be cooked"?

operator : " Just a minute" (flipping through her refference book)

the bride : "Thanks!"
...then she hung up. and so the operator was left in confusion.

What do pirates and pimps have in common?

They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable". The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - -
("com-for-da-bul" )